Official Witness Protection Program Reader Mail

Let's take a break from my true story of how the government asked me to find and identify members of a domestic terrorist gang for some reader mail. This comes from somebody we'll call Name Withheld Upon Request:

Dear Loui-,

I've heard about the Witness Protection Program, and it sounds like something I'd like to do. I'm in my second year of college, but I'm wondering if there are any schools that specialize in Witness Protection? Is witnessing a crime absolutely necessary? I am a bit of a tattle-tale, but up to now, not much has happened. Can you help me?

Yours,
Name Withheld Upon Request

It's hard to find the schools that offer Witness Protection as a major because, like all things surrounding the program, they are cloaked in secrecy. While it helps to have witnessed somebody doing something illegal, like littering or speeding, many of the everyday law-breaking citizens of this country don't have the inner need to kill the witness. What you need to do, if you really want to study Witness Protection, is to immerse yourself in the lifestyle - get yourself involved in organized crime, find out where the heroin in your neighborhood comes from and engage the ultimate source in a dialog. Let these people know you'd like to see them in action, actually breaking the law, so that you can testify against them. Then hide. I think you'll get the support you need if you make a game plan and stick to it.

Lord knows, there were days when I didn't want to gather evidence against the people who now want me dead (they used to be my friends - we watched football on Sundays together!), but I knew the Witness Protection Program was for me, and I let that passion fuel my actions.

Study hard, Name Withheld Upon Request, and let us know how everything turns out for you!